I’ve never been in love. Throughout my life, I’ve been in multiple relationships…but love always seemed to find a way to avoid me. It’s mostly my fault though, I end relationships so fast that there’s rarely any time to fall in love. I start relationships to receive love, but when I realize that I need to give it, I get scared. Too afraid to see my heart in someone else’s hands, the idea of being vulnerable has led me to avoid great relationships and amazing women.
Yet here I am…wanting to receive something, but afraid of what may happen once I do. What happens when I fall in love with someone? When they are constantly on my mind, wanting to just be with them to spend as much time possible because their presence alone makes me happy, and caring for them enough to a point that my heart breaks when theirs ache. I don’t know what I would do in that situation because I’ve never had someone to love like this. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Why I never fully opened up in my past relationships and why I have many emotional scars. My whole life, I’ve always pictured loving someone with a correlation to the idea of a husband and wife. I’ve always wanted to love one person my whole life, get married and have beautiful children with them that resembles us both, and to live the rest of our lives together. This might sound stupid to some people, because its normal these days for people dating to toss out the word love all the time and I’ve done that also in a past relationship. But that was before I knew what love is, before I knew who love is. I’ve known God for most of my life, but I never really took the time to read his word and deepen my knowledge. Isn’t that ironic? My whole life I’ve been wanting to know how to love and receive it, but have been ignoring the person who knows it best. He’s been teaching me things about love in my season of singleness. To love someone with all your heart, soul, and mind. When you love them so much that you are willing to do anything for them, even if that means sending your ONLY Son to die on the cross for the everyone’s sins. To always forgive, be patient, kind and to never boast nor envy.
God has shown me that love is something that can not be bounded by its four letter word, but it is reflected in all that we do. It is shown when we take the time to listen to someone who needs a talk, embracing them when they are sad and feel discouraged, and it is also shown through one’s smile. Love is presented to us in so many ways. God gave us the ability to love and to receive love, because He first loved us. God is and will always be my love. My first and last.